Not the best start to the day as an old issue that is supposed to be cured came back to visit this morning...
I woke to palpitations
*sigh*
Now I'm not panicking as it's once in a blue moon occurrence but it does knock me for six physically (passing out (or coming close to), breathlessness, loss of balance, and so on) and mentally as it brings back echoes of dark times in my past and fears of future operations and that brings.
So no daily practices today.
To be honest it's not happening. I'm too tired or busy or lazy or unfocused or undisciplined. Maybe I don't want it enough. Maybe its not for me.
I'm thinking the latter as I'm finding that the old issues of differences of religion appear to be cropping up. Not that anyone has been less that charming, its just obvious that my views are different to the vast majority of pagans and thus will this course be for me? In an academic sense its still valid, but is it something that I can make use of in my spiritual life? Time will tell. It depends how 'pagan' it gets as I'm not of the pagan mould that most come from and that has caused issues.
Perhaps I should wait until my mood lightens before making any decisions. Plus being able to think straight without a lack of oxygen headache fogging my senses...
Episode 188 Interview with Awyn Dawn
1 year ago
I realize that you might be past this already, and please feel free to ignore this if you really don't want to hear any more about it. But some parts of this really rang a bell with me. I'm also coming from a bit of a different place from the "standard" pagan, and I've avoided community up until now largely because of that. The advantages of that are that you get to do exactly what is meaningful to you, and don't spend any time arguing--but it can get lonely. So I'm now consciously trying to focus on the similarities rather than the differences, and trying to make community, realizing that we don't actually all have to be walking in lock-step for it to work.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know how this is going to work out for me, and I also don't know if it will have any resonance for you. But you aren't the only person feeling a bit fogged by doubts about pagan community.
I hope you're feeling better now, though, and that all of this is really a moot point. Be well.