A little worried

Ok I'd managed to fight this off a for a day but as I sit here winding down after a fun day out my mind is starting to drift back to events of yesterday morning.

Palpitations

Yep I had a short spell of mild palpitations again yesterday morning. They didn't last long (less than an hour upon awakening) and they weren't that bad - main rhythm good but with the odd occasional extra beat (think of it as a little bit of jazz impro). However that's 2 lots in 2 weeks.

I know its stress. Work stress. I have a lot of work stress and I'm starting to crack under it. Probably a little bit of home stress as circumstances have changed there too. However the heavy duty stuff is work. I have run up the red flag with the powers that Be (literally as the stress test I took came up red) and my manager is taking steps to try and reduce it a little, but her hands are tied for the main part. My job is now what it is, there are no other duties that someone of my grade is allowed to do. The increasingly present performance stats will not go away and they will continue to tighten in an ever increasing circle - calls must be shorter, so you rush them to meet target, everyone meets or exceeds targets so call times shorten and so on. You can only operate at those sort of levels for short periods. OK I can only do it for short periods. Hence stress.

I should probably quit and find something better suited to my temperament but times are hard and work is not as plentiful as it should be.


But yesterdays palpitations were heavily influenced by other stresses. Both unpleasant.

The first is that I learnt that the previous day an employee hanged themselves at work... No note was left but from those who knew him it appears likely that it was in part job stress related... This is a tragedy, for someone to feel that they had no choice that they take their own life is terrible. Even though I did not know him it hit hard, the office was very subdued. Maybe some good will come of it as a HR investigation has been launched, but it should have never gone as far as this for them to step in.

Then there was Friday itself. The fourth of December is the anniversary of my mother's death. It's been a while now and time has covered the wounds for the main part but they never fully heal. Some years it hits me hard, some I hardly notice and this year started as the latter. But the news of the suicide, especially that he had a young family, brought it all flooding back. It was a tough day in many ways but in other strangely happy (which I think I'm feeling slightly guilty about).

So it's now surprise my body reacted the way it did.

It just means that I'll be back in hospital for a third heart operation and all the stresses, uncertainties and limitations that brings.

So yeah, I'm a little worried